I must, I need, I can, I want
Verbs that have a lot of things behind them, and sometimes they hide behind them.
But today we will talk about “should” and “must”. Growing up, we more and more often obey social norms, principles, rules of behavior that came to us from outside. We were told about it in childhood by our parents, then by a teacher at school, then by a professor at university and, finally, by the director at work.
This is how attitudes appear, which can live in us, control our behavior, influence our feelings, moods, subordinating our desires.
Let’s observe how often you use these two words “should” and “must” in your speech?
How does your body react to it – Does it clench? Tense up? And then answer the question – Who do you owe? Why should? Why do you have to? How do you feel – Discontent? Nothing? A burst of energy?
“Must” and “need” is more about what for you?
In psychology, these two words are called “minus” levels. Levels where desire disappears, motivation “from” works, where action happens through force, where we force ourselves. How environmentally friendly this is to ourselves, everyone decides for himself, but it is really worth thinking about. After all, living through “shoulds” and “musts” you lose yourself and live the life that others ask you to live, not yourself.
I suggest you try replacing the words “should” and “must” with the words “can” and “want”! Not I “should” and “I need” but I “can” and I “want”.
Some of my clients have a fleeting stupor at such a request, some of them ask “can I do that?”
How did you feel when you replaced those words?
It’s amazing how, after this simple seeming substitution of words, sentences sound differently and people find their true desires. But of course just replacing it is only the first step, it’s worth working on.
In “can” lies our skill. For me, “can” is that zero point in going from minus to plus, it’s the ability to move to where my “want” is.
But everything needs a balance and the balance of the components of “should” and “want” is very important. After all, you need to understand that it is hardly possible to provide yourself with 100% of “want”, and to refuse “must”, and without it it is difficult to count on the necessary result.
Analyze your life, you should not perform what “must” just because your environment requires it. Try to perform it only when you see the benefit for yourself. But “want” implement in your life as much as possible, because there are hidden emotions, energy, interest and your motivation, which begins to work not “from” but “to”. It is the balance between “want” and “need” that dramatically affects the quality of our lives.
In my life, I motivate myself through “should” and transform it into “can” and “want”. Looking for the pros, asking myself the questions “Do I want this now?” and increasing my awareness.
What does your motivation work through?